Lost & Found

So instead of setting up a password I just sent out invites. So, accept the invite dammit! Ha ha. My life is so exciting how can you possibly want to miss any of it.

Let's discuss....

Losing Declan at the mall. Which was bound to happen sooner or later since both Declan and I are space cadets, but I never imagined just how lost he could get. What usually happens is Declan will hide behind a kiosk or a clothing display and my heart stops beating for a few seconds while I try and locate him. And since he does this so frequently I've started to just expect it so when he's out of my sight I don't, generally, panic. However, I cannot even begin to describe the kind of terror I felt on this particular day. We had gone to Burnsville Center to get Declan a new pair of Crocs. It was about 105 outside so it seemed like a great idea to head to the mall and get out of the house. For those of you not familiar with BC, it is HUGE and crowded. Especially on this day. I was headed into my final store to buy new undies (because the Target cheapies suck) and asked Declan if he could PLEASE FOLLOW ME. Because, silly me, I assumed a 4 1/2 year old could handle walking. However, instead of following me he went straight and I went left. By the time I realized he was not, in fact, hiding behind the bra display it was too late. He was gone. I headed outside to see if he was hiding behind the cell phone accessory kiosk (lot's of sparkly things) or if he had headed up the elevator as he had been begging to go all afternoon. At this point, I swear, I heard him crying so I screamed his name several times. I don't know how much time passed, since every minute feels like an eternity, but I began to panic and realize that he had, literally, disappeared and I had no idea where to look for him. Do I go left? Right? Straight ahead? What if he comes back here and I'm gone? I was paralyzed. I knew it was time to alert security but at the same time that was admitting that he was gone and that I had failed a basic task of parenting. I know that sounds strange but I was in complete denial. At some point the rational side of my brain kicked in and walked me over to the nearest security guard. I wanted to punch him for his calmness and complete lack of panic. DON'T YOU REALIZE I HAVE LOST MY BABY! RUN DAMMIT! But nope, I had to go through a description, what he was wearing, where he was last seen, etc, etc. We agree that I will stay put and he will head to the 2nd level. I think 10 min must have passed when I saw the guard calmly strolling the 2nd level WITHOUT my child and panic REALLY kicks in. I started running up and down the hallways (pushing Eva in the stroller) screaming for Declan. At some point I started crying and hyperventilating. Not one person stopped to ask me if I needed help. Every worst-case scenario ran through my head. I was convinced that a pedophile had grabbed Declan and walked away with him. At this point I needed to turn decision making over to someone else. I didn't know if it was time to call 911 or if I should rely on mall security. It felt like the world was spinning around me and I couldn't make even the most basic of decisions. I called Tom and was able to get enough words out that he agreed to leave work immediately and get to the mall. I then called my mother and put her into a panic. While I was on the phone with my mom, a man approached me and started gesturing. Without even saying goodbye I hung up on my mom and heard the most beautiful words I had ever heard "We've got him". You cannot begin to imagine the relief I felt. To use the word "relief" is such an understatement. I felt like I got a 2nd chance. As if God was showing me what can happen when you don't watch your kids like a hawk. How fast they can disappear and your life can change. Over the radio, I heard Declan crying and all I wanted was to wrap my arms around him and never let go. Apparently he was found wandering around outside the mall. He thought I had gone to the car and was looking for me. I truly believe he has a guardian angel because we could have had a much different, and very tragic, outcome. I learned a very valuable lesson, as did Declan. I know that losing a child at the mall is fairly common, and most parents have a "lost child" story. It doesn't matter if they disappear for 30 seconds, or 20 minutes, it's terrifying for a parent. I won't ever bring my kids to a busy mall unless absolutely necessary. From now on, they will both be strapped into the stroller. I just do not trust myself any longer and I cannot trust that a 4 year old understands how important it is to stay next to mom at all times.
I know for a fact that I heard Declan crying for me during the first few moments of "The Disappearance". A mother knows, in her very bones, the sound of her child in distress. What angers me, so much, is that not one person stopped to see if Declan was OK. He was able to wander well over 100 yards from where he was lost and then managed to get outside without anyone helping him. How does this happen? When I am doubled over, hyperventilating and screaming into the phone that I've lost my kid how does no one stop to ask me if I'm OK? I don't understand people. It wasn't until Declan was found and we were surrounded by mall security, both crying and hugging, that a woman stopped to ask if everything was OK.

Do people really suck that much? Especially here in MN where we are supposed to be "Minnesota Nice". So much for that.

Anyhow, I didn't mean for this post to turn into an entire page on that one incident. I am going to make Declan read it when he has kids of his own. Hopefully it sends a good warning to anyone who hasn't lost their kids yet. It CAN happen to you. It probably won't because my friends are much more responsible than I am but just in case.... leashes and strollers are your friends :)