Mommy FAIL

I am going to share a story with you and ask that you bite your tongue and hold all judgement. If this helps to deter others from using the same parenting technique than I won't consider myself a complete failure.

The story begins last Thursday morning. We (as in Declan and I) are in the kitchen and I am taking orders from the boy for his morning meal. An idea pops into my head and since I tend to do most things without thinking them through (blame my ADD, it's my curse) I go ahead and blurt out the following;

"Hey Declan, if you give mommy all of your nuks today we can leave them for the nuk fairy and she'll bring you a (cue music here) ............NEW BIKE!"

I had to go for the big ticket reward. I suppose somewhere in my subconscious I figured naaawww he'll never go for it. Boy, was I wrong. Very, very wrong. Declan says "A new bike? A red one? With a bell?" YES I say. A red one with a bell!

And Declan proceeds to collect every last nuk he has hidden around the house. The fact that it was so easy should have been my first clue because when it comes to 3 year old, nothing is ever easy.

So, I then have to explain to him that the nuk fairy only comes at night and that he will have to wait until morning to get his new bike. Because shit. Where am I going to find a red bike with a bell THAT DAY!? Its not like I gave myself time to find one on Craigs list. Cue temper tantrum #1.

So, we get through the day with minimal crying. This was also the day I was scheduled for "THE SHOT", which, went fine by the way and I am doing much, much better. So, Thomas meets me at the doctors to drive me home from my "procedure" and we have to somehow find a red bike with a bell before we get home so that we can play "nuk fairy" that night. But Thomas decides he wants to be there to see the look on Declan's face when he discovers his new red bike (with a bell) so we decide that the nuk fairy shall arrive early and Declan will get his bike after dinner. So, we drive all over the south metro pricing out bikes. None of which happen to be red. We setttle on an orange one (with an orange bell) that was far too much money for anything that belongs to a 3 year old but I've left us with no options so what do you do?

It really should have occurred to us that it might have been a better idea to wait a night and tell the boy that he needed to prove he could spend a whole night without his nuk before presenting him with his new toy. Because it could have saved us a lot of trouble, and not to mention...money. Parenting FAIL.

So, to make this long story a little bit shorter I'll just go ahead and admit it. Declan has a new bike and his nuks.

It was a long, long , loooooonnnngggg night for the Folgers that Thursday night. And at 4:30 in the morning, with my child clearly in CODE RED distress and me having averaged about 4 hrs of sleep a night for the past month (did I mention a teething infant?) I relented and gave him his nuk. I mean, a momma can only hear the following so many times before her heart shatters in a million tiny little pieces and just GIVES IN.

"Mommy, please mommy I want my nuk. I don't want my new bike anymore. You can give it to the nuk fairy. I just want my nuk mommy. Please"

So, the moral of the story is this....actually there are several here.

1) Try and get that nuk away from your child before they turn 2 or you are in for the fight of your life.

2) Don't promise that big ticket item without really thinking it through. I should have stuck with matchbox cars.

3) Children will promise anything to get their way. Don't believe them. They will, in fact, expect that bike to be returned to them the next morning only promising to give it up yet again when bedtime and therefore, nuk time arrive. Lather, rinse, repeat.

4) Don't give in. Ever. And I am the last person to ever give out that sort of advice.

5) And last but not least. Don't ever brag to your mother-in-law how you've finally managed to win the nuk war until you have, in fact, won the nuk war.

Good luck.

This Too Shall Pass

Today I go in for my cortisone injection. I made the very stupid decision to google "Do spinal injections hurt" this morning. Bad idea. The internet is crawling with horror stories from people who have had these injections. And now here I sit, nauseated, worrying about this procedure. I got 3 hours of sleep last night which isn't helping either. Chances are I will spend all day worrying and dreading the appointment and it will probably be over with in about 15 minutes. I just have to get to the other side of that appt. It's not like I haven't had similar procedures done before. I've had an epidural and a spinal block. Neither of them were pleasant but I made it out alive. I also got a baby out of that deal. So, no comparison really. Perhaps I'll treat myself to something once this is over. Perhaps a weekend at a fancy hotel so I can catch up on sleep. No kids or husband allowed. Or maybe those knee high boots I've coveted for years. Or, maybe I'll just continue to save for the fence we have to put in once we get this house (because WE WILL get it). Ugh....I hate being an adult.

In any case, this shot is supposed to reduce the inflammation in my disc and bring me some relief. Hopefully it works and I can get back to enjoying what is left of summer. Because it's quickly slipping away.

I am attaching the most recent pics of my kiddos. I've got the cutest kids in the world.

Woe Is Me

You must. Read this.

Why I'll Never Be An Adult

I just finished reading the amazingness that is Hyperbole and a Half. I haven't laughed so hard in so long. The kind of laugh that actually hurts your gut. I completely related to not wanting the responsibilities of being a "grown up". I hate having days where I've actually got errands to run and "stuff" on my to do list. I hate signing up for anything because that means that *HORRORS OF ALL HORRORS* I will have to put something on my calendar and actually be on time for something. I loathe the day my children start participating in sports, or what have you. My perfect life would be an endless vacation where I have zero responsibilities all the days long and I wake up and the whole day is my oyster. I think I've got some issues that need to be worked out.

In any case, I needed a good hard gut busting laugh too. I've been spending far too much time feeling sorry for myself. Far too much time with my head up my arse thinking that nobody can possibly have it as bad as I do right now. Maybe I need to be slapped too?

I had an MRI done on Wednesday evening and received my results yesterday. I've got a herniated disc in my lower back. I mean, how the hell does this even happen? I'm ONLY 35 years old. I take pretty good care of my body. I work out regularly. I do planks till the damn cows come home. I'm at a healthy weight. I AVOID (most) processed food DAMMIT! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN!?!?!

Needless to say. I've received and processed this news as if I've just been told I've got terminal cancer. How much of an asshole am I anyway? There are actually people out there right now who have, in fact, terminal cancer, and I'm sure they'd trade places with me in a heart beat. So please. Just slap me.

My despair probably has a lot to do with the fact that I've gotten about 2-3 hrs of sleep a night due to the pain. I'm not sure what exactly sleep deprivation's effects are on the human body, but I do know that it is used to torture the enemy so it can't be good. At some point I expect that I'll start hallucinating and speaking in tongues. This morning horns officially sprung out of my head and I think my head spun around a couple of times as well.

Tomorrow morning I go back to the orthopedic doctor to discuss the next step. I'm not sure exactly, but I'm pretty sure it involves a really long needle that they'll want to stick into my spine. You think I'm spending too much time feeling sorry for myself now? Just you wait.